My Life. My Diary.

It's the 7th month now...

The moment my godbro left the blk, i felt an eerie presence. In fact, as i walk towards the bus stop to take bus home, i felt something was following me. But i kept silent and was frighten at the same time cos it was cold and late plus, i was feeling ultimately tired. As i was walking, i felt a chill down my spine and i'm starting to feel goosebumps.

I realized nothing was following me. In fact.. it was just that when i look around...

I felt lotsa other presences which shouldn't be there.

I felt so frighten that i quicken my strides and hurried to the bus stop. My heartbeat hasten and i tot it was going to drop out of my chest.

FYP still not done and seems like i am the only one panicking.

Today's mciroeconomics is so easy tt i finished it within 15 mins. when i was done, i looked around and notice all of the others are still doing. So i began to panick cos i thought i missed out a question again like the last UT. but i didn't. so it's either i typed too less or something. but i didn't bother 2 check so i just went off like tt.

the rain was heavy 2day. Xiaohsin and i took cab home. It was darn cold lah. I was shivering from head to toe.

Anyway, overall... i think my fyp going 2 fail

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:15 PM

Sometimes in life, we tend to meet up with problems and we just tell ourselves that this is what makes our life worth while. We just want to smile so as 2 tell everyone tt we are okay and that they shouldn't worry. We help our friends with their problems and ignore our problems so as to help them ease their pain and worries. We try to do everything and tell ourselves that those ppl appreciate us right in their hearts and we smile and say it's worth while.

Life is hard. oh man.

But i shall not give up! hah! Just a few obstacles like this can beat down triple L here? HAH! God looked down too much on mi sial! I'm the girl who is famous for stubborn. i shall continue to hold my head up high and be proud of who i am regardless of what happens to me! I shall smile to the whole wide world that no matter what, i shall continue smiling and tell myself this world is full of nice ppl and that i shall smile for myself and them!

I can't believe what dad did. Just to save a few dollars worth of iron board, he now has a hole in his palm due to the screw driver. I still dun really understand how can someone hurt his palm using a screw driver? See. now, he has to throw away the iron board WITH a wound on his palm. -.-" i seriously do not understand why dun he just throw the board away in the first place.

It's the 7th Month now. But it's a peaceful 7th month. bet lotsa ppl just wanna hide at home. haha!

I'm going to collect my laptop now and then go back 2 school for fyp! I'm looking forward 2 completing FYp and i know i can do it along wif stella.

A sentence to all the people out there...

When you feel that your world is tumbling down under your feet, look around becos there are already people buried in the ground.

Know what it means?

when you are feeling upset n that u think your problem is unsolvable, look around you. There are people who are in a worser state than you. Look at the people in africa, are they complaining? yes, they may. but they still lived on even though they do not have much food to it. Some have to survive eating worms. yet we are eating good food here and complaining our lives are not worth living. Cherish your life, cherish everyone around you cos those are there may not be there in the next moment.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

8:56 AM

I Love this Little part of the lyrics of "When i'm gone" by Eminem. It's meaningful. i shall dedicate it to all my loved ones.

"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back... "

Anyway, the other day as i've said, i went Bugis to do up my fyp.

There were these two guys running down the escalator as i was walking down. They were like, "Mei nu!" So a normal reaction is to quicken my footstep. At last, they caught up wif mi and said, "dun worry, we are not she lang, we are cai lang!" -.-" No LINK!

And they asked me to donate $10. There goes my $10, a penalty for being late for fyp. aw man... one of them asked for my number and i was like, "errrrr" and i faster fished out $10 and give it to them. I was being robbed! hahaha! no lah. actually, it weren't so bad. it's good to do something nice for ppl once in a while. ^^

I went to buy a laptop today at Funan IT Mall. Mistakenly, i awaked the sleeping handsome sleeping in the bus and alighted at the wrong stop. haha! How would i know that 190 stop in front of Funan IT Mall sial! And so, sleeping handsome (my dad) was like.. "aiyoh!" kinda reaction. So ended up, we bought fujitsu once again for me. but it's a new kinda version of fujitsu. It's looks.. boring but i hpoe it works better than my current laptop. I'm going to pick it up on wednesday. aw, baby.. wait for mommy 2 come!

daddy and i den went suntec to have ice-cream! I was darn happy cos i ate ice-cream wif dad! And dad fed mi. aw... *shy* so sweet aint it? Daughter and father.

Something makes me think that i am a failure.

Mom came back from china already! hahaha! She brought back some kinda skin disease sial. red dots, guess 38 degrees is really hot there. haha! she bought two bags and two tops for me! But psst.. one of the tops look very auntie but i have 2 wear it cos she bought it for me.

To forgive and to learn. This is my new quote for the day.

life is too short 2 hate. If someone did wrong to you, even though she/he does not realize her/his mistakes, forgive them and learn not to make them disappoint you again.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

9:15 PM

Everytime i walk down the streets, i do not dare 2 look up. I just wish 2 indulge in my music and forget about everything else around me. Imagination is a tool which is the only thing i can use to get away from reality and to contain my sanity.

It's been a long time since xiaohsin came 2 fetch me at lrt in proper. I can't deny that i feel disappointed when he said that it is troublesome 2 go bugis 2 fetch me home. Tt's not the xiaohsin i used 2 know. In fact, i felt down on the way to his house. But i told myself that it is indeed too much 2 ask him 2 cum bugis 2 fetch me. I guess, lrt isn't far from his house so i called him 2 lrt 2 fetch me. but then, to my disappointment once again, he didn't come cos he was late. So i carried a heavy bag and laptop and walked 2 his house. A million apologies won't lift my spirit up. I felt so disgusted but yet, i spoke nothing because i know if i speak, i'll scream. So i tried 2 calm down and kept my mouth shut. At last, i pretended nth happened but there is a sparkle of disappointment still kept in my heart.

Some ppl just do not appreciate other ppl ard them.

"you always asked me 2 care abt u, but did u ever care abt mi?" tt's what he msged mi b4 and i still remembered that msg.

that sentence only convey one message 2 mi, after so much i have did for him, he was never satisfied b4. All those, "thank you.", it's bullshit. It's pure nothing 2 him. Nothing can satisfies him. Which leads 2 a very important question, "Since when anyone is satisfied with whatever i do for them?"

"The day is just a drama and the night is the backstage."

people frightens me. i frighten myself too.

Why is it that no one is ever satisfied with me and whatever i do for them?

Sometimes, i just have the strong urge 2 end my life.

*Content of my blog entries are typed at night. It is extremely emotional and it is just how i feel at this very moment. So if u asked me the next day why i typed this, i would not know. ^^ sometimes, even myself gets surprise at what i do.*

"Thank you", these two letter words are so simple 2 say. In fact, i can say it for the whole day and not get tired. people ard me says, "Thank you, lili." ya right. thank and at last, the turned back at you and say, "Since when have you ever cared about me?" Such hypocrites.

i can't even understand myself anymore. why am i typing all of these down?

Today, i went for fyp at bugis. A classmate of mine and Stella says that the library at Bugis has free internet access and pin plugs. And when we get there... it was just a *diao* reaction because we can't even discuss there! What's the point! But ended up, i did a webpage for adding comments and after improvising a little, we left to have lunch. Eric brought us to eat fried wanton noodles. He says that it is famous and it was recommended on tv b4. erm... ya, they are right. i dunno how 2 appreciate wanton noodles. haha! In fact, i dun appreciate food! Look at me, it's pretty obvious ain't it? i still prefer wanton noodles with tomato sauce. It's so much better. ^^

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:13 PM

It's Saturday 2day. I didn't go for tutoring because I've FYP to rush! Aw man... Soon, i'll go insane! I can't hardly contain my sanity this way!

Mom is coming back 2mr! YipPppeeEe! I'll miss dad's cooking though. Dad sure cooks good food.. hmmm.. His Instant Noodles is unique! I shall persuade him 2 open a stall when he retire. Hey, no, i shall keep him at home 2 cook for mi everyday. =x okay, that's a wee little bad.

Feeling a little empty recently, dun feel like doing anything or even talking much. Dun ask mi why cos if i know why, i won't be feeling empty, see.

recently, Xiaohsin's temper has not been good. *_* I cried once a day. Poor me have to carry 3 heavy books with a lap top with a heavy bag all the way from my class 2 meet xiaohsin becos he did nt cum 2 find me. He said that i should have msged him 2 go find me in class. but i didn't have 2 msg him last time for him to come to fetch me! *_* what has the world turned into? Is it just me or is xiaohsin getting colder towards me?

is it just me... or am i falling apart?

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

9:35 AM

I feel so upset for tt ger who committed suicide assisted by a website. How can she end her life this way and letting those who believed in her down? It was stated that she was a bubbly and cheerful girl who has a happy family, wonderful grades and nice frens. I'm surprised no one know what is the reason she committed sucide. Those ppl at the website gave her advices on how 2 commit suicide and how to go around doing it. so mean!

The administrator of the website claims that they did not ask for suzy 2 commit suicide and it's all on her own will. Whoa. i've seen that website. it's background is in black and blue, how depressed is that! And it really states what are the methods 2 commit suicide! And read this:

"The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night."

I think i shall continue reading it. it sounds interesting. haha!

Just a quote to end this entry:

"Usually, the happiest person are the ones who are crying for help deep inside them."

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

9:56 PM

Today was a hectic day but an enjoyable day.

Started off the day by making breakfast for Xiaohsin and bring it over 2 his house 2 surprise him. Then, both of us went kbox 2gether. dear, u have a nice voice, really. ^^ Eh, cannot compare both of us voices de leh. Only two of us, of cos u'll tink i sing better than you lah. -.-" no link.

We then went 2 meet my godbro and went suntec 2gether. Darn unfortunate. I want to go 2 harvey norman 2 take a look at laptops cos thanks to the dumb and useless customer service and quality control of fujitsu, i have 2 turn 2 a new laptop now for survival. Ended up, harvey norman had closed down! But it's okay. cos i get 2 have my lovely ice cream. ^^

I was scared half 2 death and i'm still a little scared now. I've been experiencing pain at my back. near my waist. YES! the place of the kidney! I saw a drama right, the girl had kidney problems and before that, she felt pain there too. gosh. hahah! which reminds mi tt it's been a long time since i had drink water. hahaha!!!

i saw a big big screen in front of suntec. It has "samsung" written on top of it. shamless samsung. how dare they advertise when their customer service is darn bad as well?

I took a train 2 kallang 2 meet my dad cos we were going 2 de ndp preview. When i was in the train, i kept smiling at myself. no, i'm not nuts. i saw a kid kept pulling her daddy's hair! SO CUTE! but pity the dad though. haha! the dad kept going like this, "eh, hand come out. faster." den he smack her hand. hahaha! Den aftwards, that ger did it again! What is the moral of the story? Kids nowadays are immune against punishments!

sheik haikal so cute! hahah! too bad sharon au wasn't there to be emcee this yr. aw man. :( And there's de sing, weilian from project superstar. i can't help but took lotsa pictures! i think there's 100s of them. haha!

When dad and i were taking train 2 bugis after the ndp show, we came across this group of girls. whoa. darn pathetic. I dunno whether was it that they came from outerspace or they did not experience new technology of phones b4 or they just have their whole body surgery but they kept taking photos in the mrt uisng handphones! if it's not obstructing passengers, it's alright. but hello! it was SO darn squeezy and those gers kept posing like some kinda dumb idiots as if they are real cute. *twist here twist there* even when i was standing behind them, they were still taking photo including mi in the photos! I got real pissed off when they kept pushing mi while posing. I got so fed up that i took up my bag and just pushed through them 2 go inside as lotsa other passengers are coming in. They are darn not shy and darn thick skin, know how i know abt it? Cos they were still posing! MY GOD!!!

Dad said, "they are not obstructing ppl lah, it's okay." they WERE obstructing ME! So = NOT HAPPY = push them = dun blame mi = they deserve it.

den dad and i went 2 have dinner at a so-call-restaurant.At first, i tot the waiter was just plain rude cos he was like not smiling and all when dad were cracking some jokes 2 him. Den i realized.. he kept turning ard 2 look at mi. so i was like "hmmmm"...den there's this guy and his gf in front of mi... i felt like pouring my drinks on that guy cos what the hell... hello! You have a gf! can't u keep your eyes 2 urself? gosh.. guys.

ok. i'm seriously tired now esp wif so many cuts in my mouth. *_*

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

10:26 PM

I celebrated my birthday wif my family last sunday. ^^ Though i was a little upset, but, i'm glad that all of them make the effort 2 celebrate it wif mi in advance. ^^

We went 2 Orchard 2 shop! I was excited though initially cos i was looking 4ward 2 buy new clothes for my birthday. And i knew tt dad have a motive to go shopping cos he does not like shopping. GUess he just wanna buy something 4 mi. Ended up, i did not buy anything during our shopping becos at that point in time, i do not wanna waste money. And guess who was the one buying cap and stuffs? My mother. -.-" She darn not shy leh! She still say, "I need cap for my trip, and i also need long sleeve shirt etc etc". It's like she got it all listed out before we even went shopping which left mi a little upset becos.. oh well... nothing. just a selfish thought. I thought i was the main reason why we came shopping. All of a sudden, the main reason why she came shopping is cos of her trip.

Then, we went to taka's kinokuniya. de moment i stepped in, bro says, "Dun buy books u dun need. u already have lotsa books. etc etc etc".. at that point of time.. my smile totally faded away and i almost wanted 2 cry out.

update u again later

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

4:43 PM

This monkey is eating ice cream!

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:41 AM

This chicken was bringing her chicks across the road. SO CUTE!

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:38 AM

My mother wif my relatives

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:37 AM

One of the many photos

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:36 AM

More of em

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:34 AM

Buddha

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:33 AM

A closer sleeping buddha

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:33 AM

The sleeping buddha

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:32 AM

Mom and my relatives going 2 pray

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:31 AM

Inside the temple

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:30 AM

Temple we went on the third day

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:29 AM

This is me in the early morning. -.-"

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:29 AM

The Tilted sea

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:27 AM

I Love this building~ so classy

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:26 AM

I Love This Building~ So classy.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:25 AM

Clouds Over City

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:14 AM

The crystal clear sea

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:13 AM

This is ART

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:12 AM

The beautiful sea of penang.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:12 AM

This is the hostel we lived in. -.-" what a nightmare

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:11 AM

The cotton clouds

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:10 AM

While waiting for our relatives to send us to the airport.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:09 AM

Me in the hostel in Penang

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:09 AM

My Lovely mother. ^^

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:09 AM

It's raining heavily now. I almost got blown away by the wind! Haha! I was holding the umbrella when this sudden gush of wind just blow me away with the umbrella. *_* Am i really tt light? Ok, 35kg seems light. haha. Had gastric pain this morning. Just a sudden stab on my gastric. I'm darn tired now. I studied marketing last night till 1am. Btw, my CP got A for UT! If only i can transfer one of my UT grade to microeconcs. *_* The dumb UT made my predicted module grade a B+ only. Very sleepy now. I slept while walking just now. haha! Really!

I almost fell down while walking to school. Lucky xiaohsin caught me b4 i really fell down on the floor. I almost did a "yi zhi ma". haha! darn chio lah by then. haha!

I'm going to have one more student soon. My student recommended me to a fren of hers. haha! Clement and xiaohsin says i should reject them cos i've too many students but then i couldn't bring myself to. And it is not because of the money but i find it very hard 2 reject requests.

This dumb school's firealarm just ring at least once a week so you wouldn't know when is it the real case of fire. dumb right. Told ya, this school seriously is dumb 2 de core.

It's accounting 2day. I'm going to have 2 reck my brain 2day again. *_* I wonder how can anyone be so expertise in accounting. My uncle is. He is an accountant for the queen of england. How he does it?! hahah! I mean... yucks! Accounting is just too difficult for me. It's like it's speaking in an alien language.

oh yea.. just the song i need. "Over my head" by sum41. hahah! My spirit just got woken up.

i shall go tie my hair now. maybe... when someone calls for emergency, the sailormoon may have 2 go to the rescue! and yes.. sailormoon=me. haha!

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

8:23 AM

I dun have anything much 2 update so i'll just type down a few random thoughts that comes into my mind. ^^

I spent last nite tossing and turning in bed cos of my economics UT. God. i think i lost a full 10 marks or something cos I did nt read the question properly once again. U can't blame me. I didn't see the last question till it was 5 mins towards ending time. -.-" Can anyone fail in a more dumb way than i am? Ppl just dun understand the expectation my family and i had benchmarked for me. Anything less than an A is a fail for me. I want to get a full 4.0 for GPA. It's not impossible and i wanna achieve tt. I worked hard 4 it. Ppl says that i am an arrogant skeleton or anything but i dun care. They called me crazy and everything but i'm not. Your family's expectation of you and my family's expectation of me are different. I respect urs so u better start respecting mine. Your pass is a C while mine is an A. I did not comment anything about any of u so stop commenting abt mine.

Clement n Jack calls themselves the spidermen. haha! No doubt, i believe them. (bleah) But in a condition that they wear condoms over their head instead of a mask like spiderman. Dun asked me how i derived this sorta dumb conclusion but trust me, it is of a worthy conversation that i derived that cos Clement says sailormoon wears bra on top of her head. *_* SEE! He is mean right. so i have 2 b mean too. hahaahah!

Oh Gosh.. i'm tired. I can fall asleep anytime now in school.

Oh No.. we are having a debate 2day. I gotta be the judge cos i won't promise anything tt i'd beat someone up in class. YEAH RIGHT! hahaha! I think it'd be the opposite. I always get bullied see.

It was Eric's Birthday yesterday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ERIC! ^^ I brought ERic's birthday present yesterday but he didn't come! How could he do this to me?! So i left it at home and wait till 2mr when we have fyp, den, i'll bring. ^^ Smart ya?

I dun tink i'm going 2 get a good GPA this semester. Right now, my predicted grades consist of 1 A only and 3B+. -.-" Dun say it's good enuff cos it isn't.

I think i'm stressing myself too much, no? But i can't help it! There's a voice in my head kept telling me to STUDY STUDY STUDY! ARGH! I'm going crazy one day. haha~ by that time, do come visit me. I may give u a welcome present. *scratch*

I'm darn hungry now can. Everyone had eaten their breakfast in class and i didn't!

Ok, i'm going 2 do work now. tata~!

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

8:26 AM