我很想爱他A1 (Sa) 天空下起雨了
他撑的伞 在你的身边陪着
(G) 可是我不快乐
因为看见 他脸上的笑 是很勉强的
B (Sa) 我很想爱他 但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧 免得感情变的复杂
我很想爱他 但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗 谁能给我一个好的回答
A2 (Sa) 爱情是模糊的
可怜的是 没有勇气选择
如果再舍不得
这样下去 我们每个人都是受害者
Repeat B
Bridge (Sa) 当爱情陷在危险边缘
(G) 是否都会伤痕累累
(合) 是否都会苦不堪言
Repeat B
"And this marks THE END of the entry."
9:46 PM
Nothing to blog recently. Partly cos i dun like to blog about unhappy stuffs. Partly i dun feel like it. It is easier said than done. Lots of things, you can comment about. "Aiyah, just heck care him lah." , "Aiyah, give him one more chance lah". Come to think of it, it's easier to open your mouth than doing what your heart asks you to do. Sometimes, i feel that life is just a game. really. It's a very old saying but it's true. Someone above give you happiness for 1 hour just to make you cry/angry for the next half day. Someone above give you happiness for one day just to make you cry/angry for two days. Sometimes, we take things and people for granted. We feel that the person/thing would be there for us, there's no point cherishing it. Or maybe you think you are cherishing it but sub-consciously, you are not. It is easier to be selfish than giving. Sometimes, you think you understand the other party just to find out that.. actually.. you really don't know anything at all other than material stuffs like wat he/she likes to eat which is simply just the skill of being observant. How about... whether the person is happy? Sad? Depress? Angry? Know all these is not enough. What about.. what should you do if that person is sad? People, we've lots of things to think about. Really.
"And this marks THE END of the entry."
4:49 PM
Why do i have to let him see me at my weakest moment?
Had a tiff with him last night. I told him before, i don't know when am i going to have that emotional setbacks again. He was supposed to send me home. He asked me to wait downstairs and he proceeded to go up to his house to change his clothes. When i stood there... i thought of our conversation...
My dream... since little... is just to have my parents looking at other ppl and saying, "Our LiLi has high marks in university. Working as a psychologist." with that beam of proudness in their eyes.
I dun want them to look at other ppl and the only proudness they have is that when ppl say, "Your daughter is so pretty!"
Pretty.. so? pretty can earn money?.. Pretty can allow me to have more true friends?... Pretty.. The only thing i can think of is prostitute loh.
And seriously speaking, i think i'm only average looking. Sorry ar, i'm a very negative person.
Anyway.. last night, when i waited for him, that bad feeling came back again. That pain came back once again in my heart. I told him that i can go home myself. And that it's better that we dun meet anymore. that i dun need help.
I took off and walk home.
I've always thought that for him and me, we have these kinda telepathy powers.
While i was walking, i can feel that his car is coming my direction. As i thought of it, my feets began to move faster (thought i know it's impossible to out-run a car! DUH!)
True enough, within minutes, a car slowed down beside me.
He wind down the window and asked me to get in. I didn't want to. But i was afraid cos i dun think he's allowed to stop his car there. So i got in.
When we reach my blk, he stopped the car and looked at me.
That's when i saw that vulnerable look in his eyes.
In fact, it's in both of our eyes.
He kept trying to wake me up of my pain but it's useless. That night, if there's a pen knife in front of me, i could have used it.
I was smiling and fighting back my tears.
He: wo hen pei fu ni leh. you can fight back your tears so well
Me: Fight back what. i've no tears. can't you see i'm smiling?
He: that's a fake smile. U are crying inside.
I really hate it when he can read my feelings without me saying anything. i dun like this transparent feeling. i dun like to be this predictable.
after that...
He: I give u one chance. if you wanna leave, you leave now. walk out of the car and then dun sms/call me later. *unlock the door*
I opened the car door.
He: This is your decision. remember that.
I walked out and closed the door.
Before i walked out, i saw that pain in his face.
He's not the only one who knows how to read my feelings. perhaps he do not know, but i know every feelings of he's. When he's angry and upset, i know. No matter how much he hide, i know when he is troubled even though i did not ask more. Because i know he'd tell me if he wants to.
I walked towards my lift and stopped at my tracks.
6 years memories flooded back into my mind.
I walked back near where his car is and squatted down behind the wall.
The truth is, i can't bear to leave
I can tell that it's a neutral feeling because his car is still there for 15 minutes.
My dad eventually came down and i had to go up with him. I wonder.. if it's fate.
I washed up and climbed into bed.
We msged... and as the more he msged.. the more i felt both of our sorrows.
I've once told him,
Me: OEi.. u dun always msg so short leh. wah lao. u always msg 'ok', 'why'. can msg longer anot?
for 6 years, i've never seen such long msges from him like last night. Woke up to cry several times but controlled my fingers from msging the wrong things.
How i wish.. none of this had happened...
I just want to return to the past when we sat and chat. Him and me both in our uniforms. Him sleeping in front of me at the void deck (which is irritating and i'd try all ways to wake him up) the time i fell down and he laughed at me even till now. The time i sat in his bicycle. (though i've never even touched it after he is with his gf) there's so much memory...
I just hope i get into a car accident.
But dun take away my memory
I just hope the memory is still there..
but i won't recognize the face.
won't that be great?
I feel so tired... I've so many feelings kept within my heart but yet i can't let out...
really tired...
Why does it have to end this way?
I know i'd suffer more, that's why i stepped out of the car.
I will be responsible for both of our sorrows.
You helped me so many times..
Why can't you let me help you just this once?
"And this marks THE END of the entry."
8:19 AM
Aloha! Been a long time since i last update. Didn't have the mood and time to update.
Going to sign up for Australia degree Course on Febuary for the intake of August. I'll miss my godbro, godsis and xh. Especially my godbro! I've been meeting him for the past 6-7 years, can't bear to leave the routine and our daily chats. Each time i meet him, I'd be asking myself, "I wonder when is the last time i'm going to see the environment and sitting here." Each time i meet him, i'd feel upset as i forsee the future that both of us weren't be meeting anymore. It's hard to find a true friend, especially a guy.
Fish cage and god sis are saying that guy and girl can't be platonic friends. I duno what's wrong with the people around me! Keep saying this guy likes me, that guy likes me.
my god sis say my godbro likes me.
Fish cage says my god bro likes me as well.
my god bro say fish cage likes me.
HELLO! U forgot who am i! I am the girl next door who talk loudly, laugh loudly, make a fool of myself, talk like a guy and I even think like a guy! (Erm, wait, i take that back. With the exception that i duno why guys are so into sex)
Okay, the point is, I'm not charming! So stop making me seem like the kind to walk down a street for less than 10 feet, and there's 10 guys come asking for my numbers. If that happens, my family would consider cursing me that i'd have a pungent emitted out of my body each time i'm near a guy.
Anyway, recently, i composed a song and as well, written the lyrics. It's a chinese song. Initially, i actually thought, "alamak, song only mah. so easy to compose! You any how press a few notes, it's also music!" But after composing the song, i realized how tedious the process is. And somehow, my song still needs sharpening. Godbro and fish cage heard the song and they commented that i still have areas of improvement though it's really good. And yes, i agree.
And as for my lyrics... my godbro's sis and godbro implied that it's a C grade chinese. What the hell. -.-" my chinese sucks like duno what shit and yet u wanna complain. grrrr... *do a cockroach kung fu pose* You know how long it takes for me to write the lyics? I spent like... 4 hours + 1 hour (during lunch time). I kept referring back to my hp for the chinese words. But my song won't coordinate well with english lyrics.
I'll upload into my blog soon. Kinda lazy to now. haha!
My bro came back from his trip to Korea last night and he bought make ups and pendants for me! Yiippee!! I feel like i'm the one going on vacation! Thanks, bro. *muacks*
Oh yea, i'm going Genting on Dec with my mom for three days.
A few days ago, i met my godbro again. Then, we bumped into my sec school teacher, Mr Loo who taught me science. He'd always remember me because my dad works in MOE and plus, i'm always sleeping in his class during sec 1. He encouraged me to go overseas to study and to experience the outside world.
What do all of you think?
I've thought of something regarding friends recently...
Do all of you know the difference between friends and best friends?
I thought of the perfect answer.
A best friend is someone who treasure and place you the same place/position as you would place/position him/her in your heart.
It's true.
Take my godbro for example.
He've his best buddies. I'm just one of his god sis. In his heart, he has his gf, his buddies and family. And when we meet, i didn't do much to cheer him up or entertain him either. So i bet i'm going to be placed in the last.
For me, HA! Just look at me. Like how many true friends i have? My god sis.. fish cage... and "The world worst murders" book!
My godsis is busy with her problems, bf and friends. (though she kept deny she dun have many friends, i find it hard to believe especially with all the weddings, celebration blah blah that she've to attend that i've to queue for next month just to have dinner with her!)
That left with fish cage. Somehow, did i tell all of you? He acts and talk just like my godbro. He even look like him! My godbro admitted as well. haha!
So now, all of you get what i mean?
Obviously, I position my godbro higher in my heart than he would.
There was once, i told him i can't meet him anymore.
After two days, i met him, i asked him...
LiLi: Eh, what would u do if that night, i really didn't come to meet you? (Okay, eventually i did come down to meet him)
godbro: what can i do? I can't do anything what. u want me to go to your blk's void deck to wait for u ar. haha
LiLi: -.-" *sigh.. forget about it*
This conversation kept playing again and again in my mind.
I really wonder who am i to him and whether i am any importance as a friend/godsis?
OKAY! LET'S STOP talking about him. The more i talk about my life, the more find it pathetic judging by the number of friends i have.
My mom is having backache yesterday. Wah lao, she was hunching her back and walking around like an old woman.
LiLi: OEI! Go see doctor can? wah lao.. how old only and you are behaving like an old woman!
Mom: I think it's cos of the barley.
LiLi: RIGHT!!..
Mom: erm.. meditation the other night, i actually gave someone my "qi"
LiLi: *wondering what that means but obviously, it's WRONG* WAH LAO EH! You think you are GOD ah!!! you dare do that again, i'm not going to care about you. you better GO SEE THE DOCTOR, hear me?
Mom: nvm. Later i go meditate, i'd feel better.
LiLi: *defeated*
As my dad says, my mom is on the verge of going to the cave to meditate.
"And this marks THE END of the entry."
7:40 AM
Living a life full of life. That's all about me that you should know.