My Life. My Diary.

I miss you

Each time a natural disaster hits Manila, my heart would skip a beat.

There are nights, I spent a couple of hours up, allowing those flashbacks to play in my mind like a movie playing in a wide screen on repeat mode.

It's amazing how someone can make such a great impact in my life and the greatest impact only comes when the person left.

Just when i was worried about the person's safety because of the recent flood in Manila, my bf's mother wanted to watch the dance dvd and the first music that was played was, "A time for us"

I'd not deny.

The moment the music was played, the flashbacks start coming back again and i almost teared.

This song is so memorable because...

The first gift from that special someone was a teddy bear wearing a red hat and a red dress.

When you press the teddy bear's paw, the room would be filled with this melody.

The last I heard of her.. was that she named her little baby girl, Christine. The name that i suggested for her baby. I never knew she would take it seriously because I was only in primary school and I was just joking about the names of both her bf and her. I was saying that they could name their child, Christine, because her bf's name is, "Christopher" and her name is "Lanie."

Sometimes.. I really do miss her.

Auntie.. where are you...

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

1:21 AM

A fine day indeed

Today is the day that I feel like lying in a hammock under the cloudy sky with gentle breeze and sound of the waves. hmm! What a blissful escape from reality. =) With "La Bamba" playing now, I feel at peace already! I was actually looking for the title of the song but alas! Found it! Accidentally i may add. Someone in heaven wants to bring me a little joy out of this terrible week.

However, I'm not going to spend the day fantasizing about my unrealistic getaways. Today, I'd be hitting the town with babe. woo hoo! Waiting for my bf to get his ass back in Singapore as well.

There are a number of things I would like to do before the year end or it could be carried forward to year 2010. Here are the lists in no particular order:

1. Visit the Zoo & Night Safari
2. Finish up my partially completed composed song
3. Come up with a study schedule for the day-time
4. Get a part-time job preferably in a book/Music retail shop. (I've talent for recognizing strangers in one glance. I wonder why. Perhaps I observe too much of my environment.)
5. Learn the guitar
6. Camp at the beach for one night
7. Go on an overseas trip
8. Get back to volunteering
9. Make sure my students ace in their exams (you read this right, the 2 of you.)
10. Brush up on my vocabularies for English and Chinese.
11. Get rid of unimportant people in my life esp those kpos. Wait a minute. They are not even an inch into my life. pfft!

I'm in a pretty good mood today. Weather is good, I'm going out to shop and my bf is coming back. good good.

However some bimbo a.k.a. coward (not a good looking one in fact) is bitching behind my back (like wtf?) and cursing about how my r/s won't work out and that it's only a temporary fixture.

Goodie!

Now i have an old lady wearing skimpy clothes gossiping about me! How thrilling!

Let me recall what she said again..

hmm..

Oh yes. She said "I don't care whether she is my friend."

Let me think..

If she really don't care, why the hell is she bitching about me to my close friend? Manipulative bitch. Please. The old book had been updated. Your tricks aren't working anymore. Trying to be the love consultant to get on the good sides of people just to cuff your bf to your side? Oh my. You mean you've trouble in your own r/s already? And there you are cursing my r/s? hmm. Yes. Sounds pretty mature to me.

Well, let me tell you something..

First of all, your old book tricks ain't going to work. Second of all, I'd very much like to know.. do you have a habit of bitching about people who you don't care about as per what you claimed? Third of all, if you can't keep your bf at your sight, get my close friend out of your freaking problem because he isn't your pet or spy. Lastly.. erm..

what's your name again?

If you think your outings with me for just 5 times or less can conclude your judgements of me.. hmm.. I don't know... I don't have a habit of pleasing people or to change because of what people say of me. So, well, I don't know what how i'd portrayed myself to give you that impression of me, but, hell with it, you ain't my bf. (Thank God. I'd pay 10000 pounds just to hire someone to curse my r/s to fail given that if you were a guy and you were my bf)

I admit I don't get really get along well with ladies. But i'm cool with it. It's okay.

I have my couple of close lady friends who I click well with and who are of certain degree of elegance and maturity (And i don't mean just by appearence). Your bf is rich doesn't make you rich. So stop being snobbish about it. Why not you stick your nose in your own relationship and open your eyes bigger. We'll see who gets the last laugh at the end of the day.

WOO HOO!!

I don't normally do this, friends. But... I don't know. I rather be open about this than to bitch behind her.

I won't announce your name. So.. please.. don't embarrass yourself and come to announce it ok. I don't wish to get involve in a public argument with you and most certainly, wait..

why were you looking at my bf's profile again? Oh my. Are you really THAT desperate to know about what's going on in my life?

oh well.

But thank you for complimenting on my bf.

You can take your leave now.

Where was I again?

Oh yes..

Beautiful day.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

10:53 AM

I'm sorry, I can't be perfect

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

12:12 AM

Random

Been a long time since i last blogged again. I have people asking me to update my blog so here comes this new entry. (Thank goodness I type pretty fast, if not, I probably would end up typing random stuffs because I would be thinking more than I'm typing. ANYWAY..)

I just completed my dance performance, yes. I wasn't doing an act as a role of prostitute (hoo ha, surprise! *roll eyes*). I didn't go for a make-over (like with other 14 girls?). And I most certainly wasn't dressing up for fun. It was quite an accomplishment judging by all the effort all of us put into the rehearsals and all, not forgetting the part where I went down to Arab street for a minimum of 7 times. (Yes, I'd ranted about this and I'm still going to rant about this.) And I give thanks to all who were there for me to watch my performances. It means a lot to me.

I must have screamed too much on that day because I ran out of voice already. Why i screamed? Let me recall. The moment we finished our last performance, we stepped into the lift. The moment the lift door closed, we were all jumping about in the lift and exclaiming in joy.

My phone finally died on me. It finally did it. And guess what. This time, I'm not going to bring it to phonspital anymore because they are going to give me crap reasons, ask me to wait and I, refuse to go through that hassle anymore. (Actually, it's because my phone isn't under warranty anymore.)

Suddenly, I've cravings for durian cake. I like the small durian cake from 717 Trading at Bukit Panjang Plaza. yummy. I've cravings for Gyu Kaku too. Oh no. So many things to eat, so little time and money.

I want to learn salsa. I want to learn Jazz Ballet. I want to learn jazz. I want to go cycling at the beach. I want to watch the sunset. I want to go jogging. I want to watch "The Ugly Truth". I need new clothes. I'm going to throw away the old ones but I'm too sentimental to do that. That's probably why my dad says I'm the rubbish collector because i refuse to throw away anything. My room is my own crime lab.

I'm going into tutoring again. Sometimes, the kids just say adorable things that make you smile. Sometimes, the kids would just make you ponder what do they really learn in school.

I wish to let go of the past but the people involved have to let it go first.

I want a stop to all that crap and nonsense.

They know nothing.

They all wish to paint a fantasy which involves a prostitute and the guy-next-door.

I've no idea why. Probably they need something to talk about and spice up their boring mundane life.

Go get "Goosebumps".

It allows you to read, let your imaginations go wild, and then flip to the pages in which will determine the ending you want.

For your information, I'm not anyone's "Goosebumps".

You might have been paving alternatives and sending devils to lead me to the wrong routes years back, but not anymore.

Stating uncertain and unreliable sources of what you think is true is bad enough. Re-using it years later is worse. In Psychology Research, you are only able to use sources that are maximum 5 years back. Look, 5 years is over.

Get your facts right.

The girl all of you were spreading rumours about probably did exist...

Either in Geylang or in other walks of life.

Definitely not the one sitting here typing down her own story because no one knows it better than i do.

And i most certainly feel I do not have the need to tell everyone my story to ease those rumours because, hey.. who are you?

The little green man?

HA!

Random random random.

I still miss my durian cake. Actually, ice cream ain't that bad either.

I know for the next sentence.. i'd have people coming up to me and wish they can kick me. Mostly ladies.

But I will say whatever that makes me happy.

.....

I think I'm growing fatter.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

2:01 AM