My Life. My Diary.

Rantings of all kinds

I'm stuck in a rut..

I'm sorry that I have to start a post with the bad news first but i couldn't help it.

Been burying my head into a hole filled with work, school is starting soon again (and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'd complete the term without dropping out halfway - ok, i hope my dad ain't reading this.)..

I can't help hating the state I am in. I know I'd been complaining for the past 5 years or maybe more, but all that ranting would perhaps help to set my mind straight on where i want to go hopefully?

My boss transformed from what seemed like the most wonderful woman in the business industry to the typical tyrannical bitch. (she likes being called a bitch btw.) She's doing a better job than the snake in shedding. Her shedding only took 1 minute. And she's like super emo - one min she'll be scolding and acting like a nutcase.. the next min, she'd be smiling and "Oh my baby is well".

She acted as if I made her pregnant (hence the work that piled up and somehow, all expectations are on me to do it good.) and now, she acts as if I magically made her allergic to the injection in labour room that almost caused her life. Seriously! She was like "I need you to handle this.. I almost lost my life YOU KNOW?!" Hey, big deal. Everybody everywhere else lost their life.. what makes your life so special. hmph. She won't stop picking on things to email. One second, she'd tell you that she needed you to make decisions. The next, once you made the decision, she'd ask why didn't you get her approval. OMG. is she sick in her mind? Like some maggots had dug their way through into her brain and stayed there to feast on her rotten brain?

Oh, let me tell you my favourite part...

"I've been trying to be active, still doing work at home...." - her msg to me.

erm.. okay... how touching.. but...

WHAT WORK?!

I hope she don't mean all that reminder emails that I could do without.

She disallow me taking MC, leaves..

She was like, "What if someone needs something?!"

She made me work like a mad dog just so "marketing dept is very efficient". and my pay seriously don't justify for the work i do.

ARGH.. she makes my blood boil. It's boiling so much, it's evaporating.

Counselling centre just called.. oh ya, which reminds me...

I told her that I'm going through counselling and she was like:

"Counselling can't help you... You were doing so good managing so many brands before, but why recently you've this HUGE MENTAL BLOCK which only you can unblock it.."

My huge mental block is her freaking presence!

I can't go lunch too early, can't go lunch too late, can't take mc, can't take leave, can't leave earlier, have to use my own time to go outlet visits which is a waste of my time in my opinion.. because her reason for me to go visit outlet is that "have to find out things that gone wrong before bosses do." which seriously, i couldn't be bothered. it's their business and profits, not mine. At the end of the day, my pay STILL does not justify for the travelling.

Even wading in a pool of mud with rotten strawberries is a better experience than coming to work.

"Hi Li Li, i need this."

"Hi Li Li, we've ran out of this."

"Hi Li Li, this customer wants this."

"Hi Li Li, this customer cannot do this.."

Phone keep ringing and when it don't pick it up, my hp starts ringing. it's like a ring ring day for me EVERYDAY!

The outlets are getting smarter... now, they no longer use their outlet phones to call me.. they use their HPs!

Can someone tell me... how am i responsible for making my boss pregnant and almost losing her life in the labour room? Because now.. it feels like I purposely get her husband to go into bed with her, causing her pregnant, and waved my magic wand in the labour room just so she can suddenly have a bad reaction which should by right make her lose her life but failed.

While i'm typing this.. my colleague walked by and say "What's with that giraffe look" - i think he meant this "freaking sian look"

sigh. okay. im going out for lunch now.

joy.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

12:03 PM

Enlightened

Suddenly, i miss the moments of serenity and tranquility.

I think that people take life too seriously. Just look at how many people runs up the escalator daily chasing after the train.

Coming back from Bangkok, i feel that life over there is so much more real. People are fighting for survival. Fighting for their rights. Yet in Singapore, we are constantly worried about stuffs like, "Oh no, I need to buy that dress.", "Should I switch jobs?"

Because in Bangkok, it's simple over there. People fight, live and be happy.

I miss Bangkok. :(

Sigh, i think i'm stuck in my job for too long. (please don't start that "you call that long?" with me. It's subjective.) I hate feeling stressed over stupid things.. Seriously.. I find things that bosses rush sometimes are damn stupid. Lighten up! No one dies if we launch a day later than the intended date!

My little bingo isn't so little anymore.. grown up to be a medium sized dog. Panting (and salivating) like nobody business. Barking and getting more nuts.

I don't get it. I got him neutered but he is even more active than before! Is that even normal?

He had been jumping up and down, rolling around and climbing everywhere his feet can bring him to just to lick my face.

Ernest is playing Dead Island beside me now... it's funny how his head always turn with the character's head. LOL! And when his character get hits, you should see how Ernest literally darts from the TV.

That's so funny.

I should film it down sometime.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

7:46 PM

Sigh

My favourite reply now is, "It's okay, not important"

It's really not done on purpose but really, I'd voiced out too many times that I felt I am pushing too hard at what I deemed as important which clearly, the other party doesn't feel so. So, seriously, why make it a priority?

I came in office late today and i bumped into my HR manager at the corridor.

Then i came back office late today from lunch and i bumped into my boss OUTSIDE HER office.

This has gotta be my 'darkest' day.

Oh yes, i forgot. my darkest day was when my iphone cracked and I had to pay 350 for it.

Bingo bingo.. stop scratching and jumping on daddy and mummy like we are your curtains aka scratching post can?!

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

4:37 PM

Someone please help me.

Here i am with another blog post. Nothing extraordinary had happened to me as of yet but somehow, I just feel that I barely made out alive from the past few days tornado. People often have the impression that when I'm all equipped with smiles, it's okay to give a little poke and push their luck. What they do not know is that behind all the smiles, lay a thousand knives. Wait a minute. I think i just did a translation from chinese. My Lenovo is utterly useless. I can't type chinese. And a stupid IT woman said I can't open up to more than five windows which would cause a lag in the computer. Hello? I do designs? How can I not have more than five programs open? Some people just have a hole in their brains, not surprisingly I might add. Bingo my little boy has grown to be a little longer, a little more brown, a little more jumpy (literally), a little more scratchy (of anyone including himself) and a little more bitey. He is biting and snapping like a shark now. Not to forget, his teeth are sharp like razors. He aimed for daddy's face last night. It's so scary. Like a little alien snapping away at your face. I managed to teach him 'sit' last night but two things i hope for is that one, he'd remember past last night and second, he'd stop raising his paw like the fortune cat the moment he sit. Bingo, you have absolutely no idea who your parents are don't you. You lucky boy. You'd probably be in shackles right now if you are adopted by other parents. I feel indifferent at work. I just drag, click, enter, type and squint my eyes for 9 hours everyday while listening to the aunties in market in action. Suddenly, I just want to laugh when i recall what i hear from miss loud in front of me yesterday. Miss Loud: yes? Mandarin oriental is it? Guy from the next line (i know because i was the one who transferred the call): blah blah Miss Loud: I know i know. I tell you ah, i call you back later ok? can anot? ok hor? Guy: blah blah Miss Loud: Ah, okay ah? thank you ah! byebye! Frankly speaking, if I'm her boss, my head would be buried into my hands right now and I'd probably hide under my desk. She makes fine wine feels like third grade wine. Why does she talk like a freaking coffee shop auntie?! And did i mention? she use, "Whatever, fine" to our clients. What a smart ass. And what did she say? She said she is leaving because she deserve more pay. *roll eyes a thousand times* excuse me? From the rate our clients stop calling after talking to her, i think she ought to pay her salary x 100 back to the company. The most hilarious comment she ever made: The company would never find another person like me. yeah. The company jolly well should change their interviewer if they still hire someone like her. They should just ask me to start designing a poster for "Closing down sales". Another auntie came to me yesterday. Auntie1: can you help me design poster? Me: Can. What poster. Auntie1: I want A4 size one ah. Me: Huh? You want poster or A4 size? Auntie1: A4 size.. Me: ?!?! okay... -___- Auntie1: I want all four bottles in one paper okay. you think can squeeze in the notes with bottles anot? Me: ya can Auntie1: Really meh? I don't think can. Me: I squeezed 10 bottles in one A4 size before. Can. Auntie1: Oh, i give you some examples ah. *hand me some papers* Me: ok. Auntie1: Mine no rush hor. THURSDAY can?! I think the people here have misconceptions aobut NO RUSH. My NO RUSH is one week in advance. Their NO RUSH is one to two days deadline. what the bloody hell. Can someone tell me why am i forever stuck in a work environment like this? Is it really me or am I just cursed?

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

10:20 AM

My latest update

This blog is almost a forgotten tourist site and therefore, I shall start posting again. Not because I want to gain another one or two more traffic in my blog but I really was too lazy/busy the blog due to the existance of my iphone which has a beautiful spider cobweb design embedded on it's screen now. I'm currently working in a food and wine distribution company at Boon Lay in the aspect of Marcom. However, i feel so much like a graphic designer that I think they should just change my job title. Everyone thinks I'm a 16 legged spider (8 legs aren't enough for them), they keep giving me last minute artworks to be completed though it's stated in the SOP (Ironically sent by my "indirect boss" who gave me less than 8 hours to complete her artwork) that they need to give me all the images etc 2 weeks before deadline. Funny how the company always want money but refuse to invest money because Microsoft 2000 was installed in my laptop (a bulky uncle laptop) and I had to complain to get it upgraded because I can't open the latest file. I think the IT people hate me because I'm such a regular customer of theirs'. I have a lady who likes to murmur and talk to herself. You don't know when she is talking to you because she just keeps talking. And did i mention, she complain and relate to about everything that is happening in the office and her private life. I think some of the people hates me for some reason. They always give me the weird look when i walk pass and they don't dare to sit near me in the canteen. I was told it might be because I am directly under the big boss. But.. really.. wtf? I didn't even talk to them before? So unfair but who cares. I don't need to lunch with them anyway. I am heading down to Singtel at Somerset later. I wonder which idiot planned for the retail servicing for Iphone to be only situated at that stupid centre. I have a little puppy in my house now. To be more specific, a brown and black little puppy who loves whining in my studyroom. After my brother put up the playpen, he seemed to forget all about his potty training. I'm contemplating whether to put him in my room. He sinks his teeth into everything he can get hold of especially my feet and hands. Given an option of a chewy treat and my feet, he'd choose my feet at any given time of the day. "yum yum, mummy feet nice!" I bought so many toys for him, but seem to be of no avail. I got him a trainer too. I just hope he'd grow up to be a really gentle and yet loyal friend of mine. Oh yes, he loves standing on his hind legs for the weirdest reason. I'd not seen any dogs do that much. For mine, it's like he is only taught to use his hind legs to walk. Oh geez.. work time.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

2:41 PM

Why is it that when I'm always trying my best, there is bound to be people to messing things up.

Stop giving me a reason to give up.

Give me the reason to stay.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

9:52 AM

I don't believe that i have the capabilities to change the world.

But at the least, I have faith in my capabilities in doing whatever i can to initiate that change.

If i can't initiate that change, I'd just have to make do with whatever i have.

Just do not complain that I gave up when you don't budge.

I love you.. but i ain't super-woman.

Either we fight the battle together or we look at each other battle with flaws that we couldn't pin point it out to each other.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

5:00 PM

For every breath i take, as long as I'm still breathing, I'd keep fighting for my destination.

No matter what the past may be, what the future has installed for me, my present will make a difference. Since I can't do anything about my past anymore, I just have to make do with whatever I've got now.

Im sure whatever that is ahead of me is worth all the efforts put in.

Just hold on tight, Li Li.

You are in for a ride.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

12:25 AM

Having you is the best comfort anyone could have

However, it takes strength to keep you with me.

I miss the comfort.

But just for how long can i stay on to enjoy this comfort?

Just how long can i live in a lie?

Perhaps, maybe, most likely.. just how much time do i have to know the answer i seek?

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

1:49 PM

Same old same old

I'd been feeling unwell recently. It feels as if my upper and lower part of my body aren't connected. Hold on a minute. They are. My legs, arms, back and head are so connected that the moment one of it is in pain, the other would react to it with even more pain.

I'm still in the middle of my search for the perfect job: Marketing Executive + Good location + Good pay + Challenging job scope = BLOODY HARD TO FIND

You know what's the problem with society?

Take the below requirement as an example:

1. Minimum Diploma in Marketing or related courses.
2. Enjoy meeting people, enthusiastic and adaptable to changes.
3. Self-driven, persistent and self-motivated

And just when you think you have everything that the requirements had stated, then here comes the last sentence:
4. At least 2 years of experience in Marketing for a reputable company.

Companies want talents with experience but few or no companies are willing to train talents.

Absurd isn't it?

Apparently, employers do not know the downside of having "experienced" talents.

1. Some are rigid to changes because of years in their former company which includes company's culture etc.
2. Fresh bloods bring more ideas, some old birds are stuck in a cage filled with their usual old ideas. (This is of course, subjective.)

Well of course, there are more, but that's not the point. I'm not saying it's wrong for wanting talents who are experienced but i feel new talents should be given a chance to prove themselves!

Anyway, the weather is pms-ing like nobodies business. Can you imagine those poor things suntanning in Sentosa and all of a sudden, it all starts to rain?

And they'd be drenched there asking..

"Where did all the sun go?"

I'm going Taiwan soon for 8 days. I looked at the itinerary and to my dismay, none of our hotels have hot springs. What a spoiler.

Every hotel rooms should have a bath-tub! Seriously! And a balcony would be delightful.

But as per usual, my diet are restricted to healthy food.. all thanks to my caring bf who snatch every green chili, vinegar, spicy food from my hands and... gobble it all down his gullet.. in front of me...

Thanks baby.

I love you.

I'll love you even more if you can give me just one more green chili for my hor-fun next time.

*flash a big smile*

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

5:33 PM

Random random

Though I'm going through tough times, I'm really grateful i have such wonderful sister to go through it with me, listening to me complain and rant etc. also, a good listener, meowy lin who would ask me out whenever she is on leave as well as buddy, though i don't meet up as much with you as before, but we are still buddies. BFF, who'd call me up whenever he've no one else to date (HA!). Stella, who at least remember to email and update me. Zhilin and Fei Hui lao shi who had been very patient and they always makes me laugh. Also, I've a really supportive and loving bf who is always there for me 24/7 taking away the fact that a few hours of his time, he is beyond contact as he'd be pigging away. Thank you for sharing your joy and tough times with me which makes me feel special.

And i'm sorry people, still no pictures! It can't be helped. My bf doesn't like taking pictures. *cough*

I need a new watch, however, i kinda used up whatever that is within my planned budget for the month. I know it sounds stupid but I'm wearing a watch that isn't ticking. At least my wrist doesn't seem empty. I know i know. It really doesn't make me pathetic alright. Don't have to sympathize me. I'm cool with it. I still can look at the time from my handphone.

I miss my heels. It's the only thing that makes me feel feminine.

However, my back and leg hurts again.

What time is it again? 1.38am.

geez..

I guess it's time to sleep... *yawn*

Later, people.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

1:25 AM

I feel lethargic.

Suddenly, I felt that my past was a big fat lie.

As much as i do not want to be affected by those people, somehow, it's disturbing to know people are spreading things and talking about things that are totally absurd and untrue about you.

I guess it's easier to just absorb and pass on to other people of what had been heard rather than to think about it. I guess it takes a very important organ to get functioning which is the brain. People loves the thrill of listening to stories of people they know and then passing it on to other people thinking they know everything. It's funny that all of that had been happening and is still happening when all these while, i'd been genuinely sincere thinking that everyone is nice. what naive thoughts. Just when you think everyone is nice, they go around bitching about you.

I shouldn't have even step into that school. Should have just land my butt in Chestnut and just get it over and done with instead of going through all that nonsensical shit.

It's hilarious listening to stories which had never happened before.

"Oh! Li Li has got a boyfriend!"

"Oh! Li Li is a flirt!"

"Li Li is a bitch!"

And the funniest part is I spoke to them in less than 5 occasions.

Biggest mistake is entering that stupid school. Entering that stupid class. Mixing around with the wrong people. Believing in all their crap lies to get myself stabbed in the back. Helping people whom i shouldn't have. Getting myself into relationships after relationships just to get over a stupid past.

Those cowards who do not have the guts to come up to my face and confront me but go behind my back and bitch about me.

Probably gets the thrill out of making a drama of my life.

And thinking they have the latest news, they go around spreading to more people.

I've to admit.

It's discouraging..

and come to think of it... pretty much hilarious..

to have people come telling you how was your life like when you are living your life.

people.. what kinda nonsense are you trying to get at..

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:59 AM

It's just so sad

I woke up this morning, feeling so mentally and physically drained. There's this sinking feeling that refuse to go away. And it feels like it is here to stay.

It just feels like I can no longer have the strength to continue fighting against the world.

Human race is doomed.

I feel I'm so surrounded by people who deceives, manipulates and are such absolute sadists. It hurts to know and it hurts even more to know you've to live in them. They can never be true but yet they want others to be true to them. They can never be real but they want real.

The worst part comes when you know you love them and you just want to wake them up from their freaking dream and to stop them from being so oblivious.

But you can't.

So you just have to live in a lie that was never made up by you.

One lie is bad enough.

3 lies is devastating.

I just feel like curling up in one corner and shut myself from the world.

The people living in the world yearns for sun but they'd been living in the darkness.

Blinded from the world with their own lies.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

11:28 AM

Lazy Friday

I had one of the worst gastric pain last night. It got so bad, I almost wanted to bite someone. I was telling myself that if the moment i reached home, it's not getting better, I was going to call an ambulance. I tried all ways and means to make myself feel better from the pain by squatting down, bending, standing but to no avail. If the pain was going up one level, I'm pretty sure I was going to scratch my bf to distract myself.

Never ever again am I going to take so much chili. The pain last night was so terrible, all the symptoms surfaced up. I almost cried from the pain.

Sis replied my email at last! I wrote two such long emails and she only replied in a few words. But nevertheless, I'm glad that she's at least enjoying herself over there.

My dance mates are planning a taiwan trip. My dad is planning another trip at the year end. My brother is suggesting a taipei trip as well. Suddenly, everyone wants to travel. It's as if economic crisis had never existed.

I found out a good way to save money when it comes to economic downturn.

"The only way to save money is not to buy How-To-Save-Money-During-Economic-Crisis or 101-Practical-Ways-To-Earning-Money-During-Economic-Downturn"

Yesterday, after my vocal class, I was taking the bus with Wei Ting. When i board the bus, this old auntie pushed her way pass me and i almost fell down. I seriously don't get it. Why can't people just grow old gracefully. We've to respect elderly, that's for sure. But some of them, really get on my nerves. There was this old man in the mrt actually came to me, tap me on my shoulder and asked me to give my seat to him. Not politely i would say. Freaking hell. Not like I owe him anything. He just gave me that "get lost" gesture and expect me to give him my seat. ok ok. I did. But argh, that's besides the point. However, needless to say, there are elderlys that are really nice and kind. When i give up my seat for them, they were very grateful and would even ask me back to sit when they were alighting.

Anyway, yesterday was my last vocal class. Wei Ting won't be joining us anymore and our class would be merged with another guys class. We took pictures yesterday. Zhilin is going to take forever to upload the pictures. (*cough cough* you and I know the truth, babe)

*stretch*

It's a lazy Friday. I'm falling asleep.

yawn.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

12:50 PM

Where's my coffee

Life without coffee, vinegar, sour food, eggs, soft drinks and spicy food is a torture. It's like taking my entire usual diet off my list. What is life without having to enjoy what you love eating? I've drank so much milk that I feel I'm drinking more than an average baby would drink. The fridge had to be refilled with milk cartons every two days. sigh. it's a bore.

It's really literally, "killing me softly". No joke man. softly and slowly. It's a slow death.

I have a huge temptation to sell my fear street books and goosebumps. It's taking up so much space. Then again, the sentimental streak in me is stopping me from doing so.

My friend was saying I am discouraging him to be a property agent and all i did was telling him how a property agent really is like. There was this time, i was working at a showroom for MiCasa, the new condo at CCK, seriously, if i wasn't working, I'd have scratched the eyeballs out of many property agents. One of this lady who spends half her time there making up, pushed me. Most of them have no respects for their own colleagues and needless to say, other people except to customers. It's like they have these two masks that express, "Happy", "Angry" and they switch between these two masks in a short time span of one second at will.

Property agents.. argh..

You know, sometimes, i think that being dependent on someone is a dangerous thing to do. However, I guess at least for me, once I'm used to someone being there, i would want that someone to be there for the rest of my lifetime.

"And this marks THE END of the entry."

12:42 PM